Love trouble

love is something that shows up alot in scottish folk songs and tales. There is one song called the fairy's love song where a fairy is talking about how her human love is across the river (and of course fairy's can't go across the river in scottish tales, and fairy's and humans together is a nono). The song is about how tired she is of working, the way fairy's work. The song is called "Tha Mi Sgith" which means "I am tired." There are other songs too, pretty much any song with a girls name as a title is about how a man loves her or wants her to marry him. There are also songs about weddings in gaelic. Stories like braveheart, or even something like laiden's daughter all talk about love. Robert Burns, though he had a wide range of topics has many love poems. I can't name a single culture in all of my studying and discovering that cherishes, and believes in love the way that the scottish culture seems to (Except maybe ireland, but they both have the same roots so it makes sense).

I've always been the kind of person who doesn't usually like love songs. I don't have any experience in love, so singing a song about love seems kind of hypocritical. I can never sing those songs with meaning, because I have nothing to contribute to them. When it comes to scottish songs though, I don't mind love songs because they are nice, pure of heart and are just fn to sing. Bonnie banks of loch lomond for example has an amazing story and meaning to it that I can't help but love, and a beautiful melody. "Ae fond kiss" rhymes in some places and is just a nice song to sing. I wish I knew why I love these songs so much, I can't even believe that I can sing the love songs and have my heart spread open wide.

With all of this scottish love, I've been really wondering about love. I've been really wondering if it exists and what is it? I was under the impression that someone you love is someone you can't live without, but that doesnt make sense because people get divorced, and people die, and like goes on. So I asked my mom and she said that loving someone is when you can't imagine your life without them. I believe that, because I couldn't live without my mom or my little brother, or many other people who are important to me, and I have to see them every now and then. (I brought my brother to the park and miky D's last night).

The reason I was asking is really because I've had a crush on someone for a long time. I don't think I love him, but I can sure imagine my life with him. I've liked him for a long time, and every time I see him my heart beats faster. I want to tell him everything and share everything with him, and I want to protect him. It wasn't meant to be between us, and I know that. Sometimes I am afraid that what I feel is only lack of something or just plain infatuation, I honestly can't tell. I told myself to stop liking him, and sometimes when I think about him I have to chant to myself to stop. I just can't help but feel that we are the same somehow, but at the same time I think that there are tons of other girls (and there are) that feel the same way as me, and they have broken up so I probably would too. Its infuriating. I remmember our eyes met, and I couldnt look away. I tried, in order to tear my eyes away I had to turn my head away, because my eyes wouldnt follow. He doesnt like me, and I know it, but I can't seem to forget about him. Even if we are apart for a year I still think about him, and when I stop to think about him it breaks my heart. Its stupid.

I want the kind of love in scottish tales and folk songs. He probably isn't the guy for me to have that with, so I guess all I can do is accept it. If a good guy can make me feel like I can start singing love songs, and doesn't get annoyed when I play Scottish music every now and then, he will be the one. ( a kilt wouldnt hurt either lol)