The Solitary Reaper by William Wordsworth

BEHOLD her, single in the field,
Yon solitary Highland Lass!
Reaping and singing by herself;
Stop here, or gently pass!
Alone she cuts and binds the grain,	5
And sings a melancholy strain;
O listen! for the Vale profound
Is overflowing with the sound.
No Nightingale did ever chaunt
More welcome notes to weary bands	10
Of travellers in some shady haunt,
Among Arabian sands:
A voice so thrilling ne'er was heard
In spring-time from the Cuckoo-bird,
Breaking the silence of the seas	15
Among the farthest Hebrides.
Will no one tell me what she sings?—
Perhaps the plaintive numbers flow
For old, unhappy, far-off things,
And battles long ago:	20
Or is it some more humble lay,
Familiar matter of to-day?
Some natural sorrow, loss, or pain,
That has been, and may be again?
Whate'er the theme, the Maiden sang	25
As if her song could have no ending;
I saw her singing at her work,
And o'er the sickle bending;—
I listen'd, motionless and still;
And, as I mounted up the hill,	30
The music in my heart I bore,
Long after it was heard no more.

Waking up

This morning I woke up feeling like I really needed to listen to my Scottish folk songs. So I played "My love is like a red, red rose," and I felt like it was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard until the next song played: "Highland widow's lament." All of my Scottish folk songs are just beautiful though! While I haven't forgotten my folk songs, I haven't listened to them for a while either. I'm not sure what made me want to listen to them this morning except for this weird feeling that I reserve especially for things Scottish, its a nice feeling, similar to the feeling of a sunny day.

So now here I am looking up the highland games for the summer, and wondering how I could get a new iTunes gift card after work (or as quickly as possible) so I can expand my folk song playlist. Vacation isn't vacation without a nice highland games, and music would tied me over. I liked the Glasgow lands festival last year, but I'd like to go to a new one. Too bad for me, I can't go to the one on July 5th, so the Highland games in Maine sound good to me.

What I really want to go to the highland games for is a nice Robert Burns poetry book. I almost got one at the Glasgow lands but my mother talked me out of it. I don't want to order one online or anything. because the book covers you get nowadays seem too shallow/not right feeling for how much the book will mean to me. I also want thistle earrings, but that's not as important.

Anyway, its been a while, but I'm back!

--JSparrow

Crocheting a tartan blanket

Hi!!
I haven't been on for a while, but I promise I haven't given up on this blog! I've been in college, and my friend and I have been thinking about studying abroad. It would be wonderful to go to Scotland, but I think my friend wants to go to Ireland. Either way, it would be amazing to get out of the country. Its funny, because for Christmas my mom got me a passport case, except I don't have a passport! Even funnier, the passport case says "not that I ever go anywhere," which is something I would say.

For Christmas my mom made my family members crocheted tartan blankets. What she did is crochet a grid of colors, then she made chains and weaved the chains in the grid. It came out really cool! I helped her make some of it! I weaved for hours, hoping that I could get them all done in time, but there are just too many people in my family! In the end we got three done, one for each of my aunts. She is still doing another for my uncle, even though its after Christmas. The rest of my Uncles will have to wait, if they get one at all.

We were at a fabric store the other day, and we say the Gordon Tartan fabric. My mom bought some, she says she is going to make pillow cases out of them, which I think is an amazing idea.

In other news, when my mom and I were at the glasglow lands festival, we got these two ornaments for the tree. One is a bagpiper, the other is a highland dancer. I woke up on Christmas to discover a third ornament next to them, full of walker's shortbread cookies. My mom laughed and said "Santa brought them a little treat."

My sister got me a scarf made it Scotland, and a bunch of "what does the fox say?" stuff.

I'll probably write more later today, but for now I am watching a new Korean Drama called "Heirs."
If I'm being honest, I don't think I really understand what is going on in the drama this time, but I still love it!

---JSparrow

The glasglow lands highland games

On July 20th I took the day off, and my mom and I went to the highland games in Look Park Northampton mass. It was much smaller than the new hampshire games, but it was definetly worth it. The second we gotout of the car we went to one of the shops. There were these christmas decorations with highland dancers nd bagipers that were home made. Obviously we go some. The thistle decoration was hung from my rearview mirror a while later. I also got thistle tea at that shop, and I didnt even know that existed! highland blend, sure, and scottish breakfast tea, but I never knew you could get thistle tea!

glowglow lands website

There was bonnie doons shortbread cookies, which are melt in your mouth delicious! Of course, when I went to the stand that woman was kind of stoic, and she offered my mother a sample but not me. I wonder if she realizes that I am just as in charge of whether we get the cookies or not. My mom always asks me first, and sometimes I'm even the one that pays. I hate when adults are like that, and I'm not even that young anymore. She was also asian, and while I'm not against asians, She didnt seem to understand the spirit that went into the highland games. I dont know if its because she isnt scottish or what (though she could have been, idk). I almost wanted to preach about how the games are a place to laugh, talk, and just plain enjoy life, not to sit around looking grumpy.

I got over it at the next stand though. The woman there talked to me about flowers. I ended up getting a silver thistle necklace with a nice silver chain. It was perfect! Exactly what I wanted! Pretty, but a little rough around the edges (because I'm not dainty). I was really interested in the people around me. I guess thats why I noticed the person at the shortbread cookie stand at all. I liked talking to them. I liked the interaction. My mom also got my cocusin this towel that wraps around you and looks like a kilt, funny.

At one stand, my mom was talking to a woman while I paid for a pin. Then, while they were talking, a bird pooped on her. My mom said "I'm sorry, a bird just sh** on me, can i have a paper towel." she didnt say it in a mean voice or anything, but she did swear, and i think it freaked the woman out. Then my mom turned to me to say "A bird just pooped on me, what does that mean?" I told her it was good luck, and the woman looked at me like I had two heads. No I'm not some freak, it just that in "under the tuscan sun" a bird poops on her and she get the house bramasole. My mom knew it meant something in that movie, but the woman at the stand didnt. The poor lady.

We got a large thing or fench fries at some stand and went to watch the highland games. THe guys were throwing things of course.I got really into it. It was soo hot though, I'm talking sweat down the leg hot. Then we watched the dancing. I love Highland dancing, I could watch it forever and never get bored. They did the sword dance, which is the most traditional ofthe dances. I have a thing on the different dances that I'll post here later. We followed the dancers when they paraded onto the field and then watched the openning ceremony.

At the openning ceremony the bagpipers marched down the field, and the dancers danced to one of the songs. I was thrilled to see the pipers go down the field, it was magnificent. There was a speech on scottish freedom, and "flower of scotland" was played. Charlie zahm was there singing, like always. The clans did their battle cries. It truly was an amazing ceremony. We went down to the weavers real quick too. My mom bought a weaved blue and white thing for my aunt lynda's birthday. Then we quickly listened to the harpers.

We ate meat pies and other scottish food before we decided we were done. My mother decided that she was going to start a Gordon Tartan afghan. She wants to make it for my aunts and uncles. I'm jealous lol. After a great day we headed home to the sound of the bagpipe.

--Jsparrow

Scottish Jokes (These things are hilarious)

I just want to say that these jokes are sooo funny! I can imagine the person, I can imagine the situation, and alot of them are really clever. Granted, I dont hate the english like some do, but these are funny jokes just the same.

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How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb?
Och! It's no that dark!

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A Scotsman walking through a field, sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand.
The Scotsman man shouts ' Awa ye feel hoor thatâs full Oâ coos Sharn'
(Don't drink the water, it's full of cow s ** t.)

The man shouts back 'I'm English, Speak English, I don't understand you'.

The Scotsman man shouts back 'Use both hands, you'll get more in.'

---

A Scots boy came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in the school play.

"Wonderful," says the mother, "What part is it?"

The boy says "I play the part of the Scottish husband!"

The mother scowls and says: "Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part."

---

Jock's wife Maggie went to the doctor complaining of pains in the stomach. The doctor told her it was 'just wind'. "Just wind?" she screamed at him. "It was just wind that blew down the Tay Bridge!"

---

A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently.
Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'...perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek.
Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's noo time aboot time for a wee cuddle."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds.
Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time you let me put my hand
on your leg."
The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed. The the two turned once again to gaze out over the lock before the girl spoke again.
"Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
The young man glanced down with a furled brow. "Well,noo," he said, "my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time."
"Really?" said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
"Aye," said the lad, nodding.
The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.
Then he said, "Dae ye nae think it's aboot time ye paid me the first
three pennies?"

---

One afternoon a Scotsman was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food,"

the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the Scotsman said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, behind the garden sheds."

"Bring them along," the Scotsman replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the Scotsman answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the Scotsman and said, "Sir, you are too kind.. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The Scotsman replied, "Glad to do it.
"You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high"

---

When Jock moved to London he constantly annoyed his English acquaintances by boasting about how great Scotland was. Finally, in exasperation, one said, "Well, if Scotland's so marvelous, how come you didn't stay there?"
"Well," explained Jock "they're all so clever up there I had to come down here to have any chance of making it at all

---

Jock and a Englishman were flying from Edinburgh when the stewardess approached. "May I get you something?" she asked.

"Aye, a whusky" Jock replied.
She poured him a drink then asked the Englishman if he'd like one. "Never!" he said sternly. "I'd rather be raped and ravished by whores all the way to America than drink whisky!"
Jock hurriedly passed the drink back, saying "Och, Ah didna ken there wuz a choice!"

---

Jock finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone into foreclosure and he's in serious financial problems. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. "God, please help me. Ah've lost ma wee store and if Ah dinna get some money, Ah'm going to lose my hoose too. Please let me win the lottery!"

Lottery night! Someone else wins... Jock prays again. "God, please let me win the lottery! Ah've lost my wee store, ma hoose and Ah'm going to lose ma car as weel!" Lottery night again! Still no luck... Jock prays again.
"Ah've lost ma business, ma hoose and ma car. Ma bairns are starving. Ah dinna often ask Ye for help and Ah have always been a good servant to Ye. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so Ah can get back on ma feet!"
Suddenly there is a blinding flash as the heavens open and the voice of God Himself thunders:
"Jock at least meet Me half way and buy a ticket!"

---

Jock was traveling by train seated next to a stern-faced clergyman. As Jock pulled out a bottle of whisky from his pocket the clergyman glared and said reprovingly, "Look here, I am sixty-five and I have never tasted whisky in my life!"
"Dinna worry, Minister," smiled Jock, pouring himself a dram. "There's no risk of you starting now!"

---

Jock once attended a Temperance lecture given by Scotland's top medical man, a noted anti-drink campaigner. The speaker began by placing a live, wriggling worm in a glass of whisky. After a moment or two it died and sank to the bottom.
The speaker said quietly to the audience, "Now my friends, what does this tell us?"
Jock piped up, "If you drink whisky you'll not be bothered by worms!"

---

A very popular scotsman dies in glasgow and his old widow wishes to tell all his friends at once so she goes to the newspaper and says
"I'd like tae place an obituary fur ma late husband" The man at the desk says "OK, how much money dae ye have?"
The old woman replies "£5" to which the man says "You wont get many words for that but write something and we'll see if it's ok" so the old woman writes something and hands it over the counter and the man reads "Peter Reid, fae Parkheid, deid"
He feels guilty at the abruptness of the statement and encourages the old woman to write a few more things. The old woman ponders and then adds a few more words and hand the paper over the counter again. The man then reads "Peter Reid, fae Parkheid deid. Ford Escort for sale"

---

Jock was returning home from the pub, smelling like a distillery.
He flopped on a bus seat next to a priest. His tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of whiskey was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. Then he asked the priest,
"Father, what causes arthritis?"
"Well my son, it's the result of loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much whisky and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well I'll be damned!" Jock muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, feeling a little guilty, said, "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't, Father. But I was just reading here that the Pope does.

---

Sandy was drinking at a pub all night. When he got up to leave, he fell flat on his face. He tried to stand again, but to no avail, falling flat on his face. He decided to crawl outside and get some fresh air to see whether that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and, sure enough, fell flat on his face. So, being a practical Scot, he crawled all the way home.
When he got to the door, he stood up yet again, but fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door into his bedroom. When he reached his bed, he tried once more to stand upright. This time he managed to pull himself to his feet but fell into bed. He was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
He woke the next morning to his wife shaking him and shouting, "So, ye've been oot drinkin' as usual!" "Why would ye say that?" he complained innocently.
"Because the pub called an' ye left yer wheelchair there again!"

---

A woman is looking to re-enter the work force, now that her kids are all grown up. But before applying anywhere she goes tae the doctors' fae a wee physical before takin' oan a new joab. When she returns her hubby notices she's just bustin' wi' pride and all chuffed.

So he says; "What's all this about?"

She says, "I've just been tae the doctors' and he said I've got the body of a twenty year old, and the heart of a 16 year old".

To which her hubby fires back..."What about your 50 year old ass?"

"Your name never came up." She replies!

---

Irate golfer, on his way to a round of 150: "You must be the worst caddie in the world!"
Scottish caddie (dryly): "That would be too much of a coincidence, sir."

---

Jock was digging peat at his croft when a passing American tourist asks, "How much land do you have here?"

"About two acres" Jock replies.

"You know back home it takes me a day to drive around my ranch !" the American boasts.

"Aye", says Jock " I once had a car like that."

---

A plane was shot down over Iraq and Saddam Hussain captured a Scotsman,an Englishman and an Australian. Saddam says "I'm not as cruel as George Bush says I am You will be given 50 lashes each but you can have whatever you want on your back"
The Australian goes first and asks for the finest Kangaroo hide there is to cover his back. This is granted and he receives the kangaroo hide before he receives 50 lashes. His back is all torn and bleeding but he survives.
The Englishman says "I will take it as it comes I will have nothing on my back and will be proud to bear the scars" he shouts defiantly"Stiff upper lip you know eh what" His wish is granted and he receives his 50 lashes, his back torn and bleeding, his ribs fractured and protruding, a terrible mess to behold.
"Now Jock It's your turn you have the same choice as the other two what would you like on your back" says Saddam.
Jock replies quickly and without hesitation "I'll have the Englishman"

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scot are all sharing a friendly pint together in the local pub. Coincidentally three flies which had been buzzing round their table dropped one into each glass, plip, plop, plunk. Like that.

"Blimey", cries the Englishman and waves for the barman's attention. "Excuse me good man, but there appears to be a fly in my ale. Could I get another"?

"Faith and begora", is heard from the Irishman as he gingerly scoops the insect from his glass with a spoon and continues drinking.

Both then look to the Scot who can be seen holding the offender (the fly) over his own glass and screaming, "Spet et oot ye wee basturd. SPET ET OOOOT"!

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 A Glaswegian stops before a graveyard in a Gorbals cemetery, and notices a carved tombstone declaring,
"Here lies a lawyer and an honest man..."
"Ach, who'd ever think..." he murmered, "there'd be enough room fer two men in that one wee grave..."
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3 guys, 1 Irish, 1 English and 1 Scotch, are walking along the beach one day and come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie.

The Irish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity."
So, with a blink of the Genie's eye "AlKaZoom" the oceans were teaming with fish.

The English guy was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that nothing will get in for all eternity.
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye "AlkaZoom - POOF" there was a huge wall around England.

The Scot asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."
The Scot says, "Ach, fill it up with water."

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Three scots and three englishmen are traveling by train to a football match.
At the station, the three englishmen each buy tickets and watch as the three scots buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the three Englanders.
"Watch and you'll see," answers one of the Scotsmen.

They all board the train. The Englishmen take their respective seats but all three scotsmen cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the tolet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The English saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Englishmen decide to copy the Scots on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Scots don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed Englishman. "Watch and you'll see," says one of the Scotsmen.

When they board the train the three Englishmen cram into a toilet and the three Scots cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Scots leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Englishmen are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

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"How's the flat you're living in in London, Jock?" asks his mother when he calls home to Aberdeen.
"It's okay," he replies, "but the woman next door keeps screaming and crying all night and the guy on the other side keeps banging his head on the wall."
"Never you mind," says his mother, "don't you let them get to you, just ignore them."
"Aye, that I do," he says, "I just keep playing my bagpipes."

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There was a Scotsman, an Englishman, and a sharon Stone sitting together in a carriage in a train going through the highlands of Scotland. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was as old style steam train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark.

 

Then there was this kissing noise and the soud of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tnnel, Sharon Stone and the Scotsman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the englishman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped.

 

The englishman was thinking "the scotsman must have kissed sharon stone and she missed him and slapped me instead"

 

Sharon stone was thinking "The englishman must have tried to kiss me and actaully kissed the scotsman and got slapped for it."

 

The scotsman was thinking "this is grand. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make that kissing noise and slap that english fool again."

 

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A scotsman walks into a london pub and asks in his proud scots brogue for a whisky. Three english residents notice him and decide that Jocks always took the bait and were eay prey.

 

The first english lad sits beside the Scotsman and announces for all the pub to hear "See your St. Andrew-he was a poofter by the way!"

 

On hearing this the Scotsman coolly replies "Is that so-I didnae know that"

 

The second englishman says "see your St. Andrew, he had sex with men all for money"

 

The scotsman states "I didnae know that was the case"

 

the third english man thought his friends were approacing it all wrong, and he thought he would get the desired reaction from the Scotsman. He says "see you st. andrew- he was an englishman by the way"

 

To which the scotsman replied "aye...so yer mates were just telling me!"

 

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Wee hughie was in teh garden filling in a hole when his english neighbor peered over the fence. Intrested in what the man was up to he politely asked "what are you doing there, hughie?"

"My goldfish died" replied wee hughie tearfully without looking up "and i've just buried him."

The english neighbor was very concerned "thats an awfully big hold for a goldfish, isnt it?"

wee hughie patted down the last heap of dirt then replied "Thats because he's inside your ****ing cat"

 

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A sunday school teacher of preschoolers was concerned his students might be confused about jesus. So he asked them "where is Jesus today?"

 

Steven raised his hand and said "he's in heaven"

 

Mary was called upon and she answered "he's in my heart"

 

Wee Hamish, wavinghis hand furiously, blurted out "I know! I know! e's in our bathroom!"

 

The teacher was completely at a loss for a few long seconds. Finally he gathered his wits and asked wee hamish how he knew this.

 

Wee hamish said "Well, every morning, daddy gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, an yells, "Jesus Christ! are you still in there?"

 

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A Greek and an Scotsman were sitting in a Starbuck’scafe one day discussing who had the superior culture.

Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, ‘Well, we Greeksbuilt the Parthenon,’ arching his eyebrows.

The Scotsman replies, ‘Well… it was the Scots thatdiscovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.’

The Greek retorts, ‘Greeks gave birth to advancedmathematics.’

The Scotsman, nodding in agreement, says, ‘Scots were the ones who built the first timepieces and calendars.’

And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinkswill end the discussion.

With a flourish of finality he says, ‘The Greeks were the ones who invented sex!’

The Scotsman replies, ‘Aye, that is true, but it was Scots who introduced it to women.’

 

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"Where do you come from?" the Scotsman asked an American.

"From the greatest country in the world," replied the American.

"Funny," said the Scotsman, "you've got the strangest Scottish accent I've ever heard."

 

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Tony Blair, the British Prime Minister, is being shown around a Glasgow hospital. Towards the end of the visit, he is shown into a ward with a number people with no obvious signs of injury or disease. He goes to greet the first patient and he replies:
"Fair fa' your honest sonsie face, Great chieftain e' the puddin' race! Aboon them a' ye tak your place, Painch, tripe, or thairm; Weel are ye wordy o' a grace as lang's my arm."

Tony, being somewhat confused (very easily done) goes to the next patient and greets him. He replies:
"Some hae meat, and canna eat, and some wad eat that want it, but we hae meat and can eat, and sae the Lord be thankit."

The third starts rattling off as follows: "Wee sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie, O, what a panic's in thy breastie! Thou need na start awa sae hasty, wi bickering brattle! I wad be laith to rin an chase thee, wi murdering pattle!"

Tony turns to the doctor accompanying him and asks what sort of ward is this. A mental ward? "No," replies the doctor, "It's the Burns unit."

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It was cold on the upper deck and. the captain was concerned for the comfort of his passengers.
He called down: ‘Is there a mackintosh down there big enough to keep two young lassies warm?’
‘No, skipper,’ came the reply, ‘but there’s a Maclean willing to try.’
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Judge - " You are charged with throwing an Englishman out of the window."
Maclean - " It was my Celtic temper. I did it without thinking, sir."
Judge - " Yes, I understand, but don't you see how dangerous it might have been for anyone passing on the street below."

 

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A Scotsman and an Englishman lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning he would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.       

 

One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

 

They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the testicles and time how long it takes for you to get back up. Then you kick me in the testicles and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker wins the egg." The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman put on the heaviest pair of boots he could find.

 

He took a few steps back, then ran towards the Englishman and kicked him as hard as he could in the testicles. The Englishman fell to the floor clutching his groin, howling in agony for 30 minutes.
      

Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."
      

The Scotsman smiled and said, "Ye can keep the damn egg!!"

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Said the Englishman to the boastful Scot: ‘Take away your mountains, glens and lochs, and what have you got?’

‘England,’ replied the Scot.

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Old Sandy was dying. Tenderly, his wife Maggie knelt by his bedside and asked:
‘Anything I can get you, Sandy?’
No reply.
‘Have ye no’ a last wish, Sandy?’ Faintly, came the answer. . . ‘a wee bit of yon boiled ham.’
‘Wheesht, man,’ said Maggie, ‘ye ken fine that’s for the funeral.’
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Jock was in London wearing his tartan when a curious lady asked if there was anything worn under the kilt.
'No madam,' he replied with a flourish. 'Everything is in perfect working order.'

 

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It was a terrible winter — three months of unbroken blizzards.
McTavish hadn’t been seen in the village for weeks, so a Red Cross rescue team struggled to his remote croft at the head of the glen. It was completely buried — only the chimney was showing.
‘McTavish,’ they shouted down the chimney. ‘Are you there?’
‘Wha’s that?’ came the answer.
‘It’s the Red Cross,’ they called.
‘Go away,’ shouted McTavish. ‘I bought a flag last year!’

 

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‘I hear you’re a great believer in free speech.’
‘I am that, Angus.
‘Well, do you mind if I use your phone?’

 

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It was like this,’ said Donald. ‘I was teaching the wife to drive, and the brakes failed when we came down the hill.’
‘What did you tell her?’
‘Try and hit something cheap!’

 

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A woman and a man from Aberdeen were stranded on a desert island after a shipwreck. Their clothes were in rags and their food running out.
‘I suppose it could always be worse,’ said the woman. ‘Oh, aye, it could,’ agreed the Aberdonian. ‘I might have bought a return ticket.’

 

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An armed, hooded, robber burst into the Bank of Scotland in Princes Street, Edinburgh, and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot, one brave Scottish customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber's face. The robber shot the Scotsman without hesitation! He then looked around the bank to see if anyone else had seen him. One of the tellers looked straight at him and the robber walked over
and calmly shot him also. Everyone by now was very scared and looking down at the floor."Did anyone else see my face?" asked the robber. There were a few moments of silence, then one elderly Scottish lady, looking
down, tentatively raised her hand and said: "I think my husband might have caught a glimpse .…."

 

 

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An American was going for a job interview in the Scottish countryside and on the way out he asked a local farmer for directions:
“Excuse me dude could you possibly tell me the quickest way to London?”
The farmer said: “You driving or walking, lad?”
The American replied: “Driving.”
The farmer nodded, saying:
“Yup, definitely the quickest way”

 

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An American visitor to Lindores Abbey was being shown round by the abbot when a monk shouted out “64!”
All the other monks roared with laughter.
Another then called out “15!” — again much laughter.
“What’s going on?” asked the visitor.
“They know each other’s jokes inside out” said the abbot. “So rather than tell them each time, they’ve numbered them. If one calls out a number, they think of the joke and laugh. Have a go...”
The visitor called out “45!” and there was a small ripple of polite laughter.
“I’m afraid,” said the abbot, “that’s not very funny. Try again.”
So, the visitor called out “56!” and there was uproar.
“Must have been a good joke,” he said.
“Yes,” said the abbot wiping his eyes. “And we’ve never heard it before.”

 

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A cute Highland girl was giving a manicure to a man in Dunkeld barber shop. The man said, " How about a date later ? " She said, " I'm married."
" So call up your husband and tell him you're going to visit a girlfriend." She replied, " You tell him yourself- he's shaving you."
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McTavish was traveling by rail in America. He asked the railway clerk for a ticket to Springfield. " Which Springfield, mister ? " asked the clerk. " Missouri, Ohio, or Massachusetts ? "
" Which is cheapest ? "
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Sandy's wife was discussing with a neighbor the previous day's fishing experience with her husband. " I made every mistake in the book ! " she said. " I talked too much. I used the wrong bait. I talked too loud, and I reeled in too soon. And to make matters even worse... I caught more fish than he did."

 

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---jsparrow

The Winter Sea by Susanna Kearsley

Do you ever have a moment in the bookstore when you are drawn to a book, and you know you'll love even before you read it? It happens all the time to me! All the time!! I know the bookstore by heart. I've been going there since I was just a little kid, I know all the books on the shelves and their titles, even if I never pick them up. I've seen The Winter Sea a thousand times without ever really taking notice of it, but for some reason a few days ago, when my mom wanted me toleave the house while she was doing a project for my grad party, I walked in, grabbed the book, payed, and walked out. It was as simple as that.

The Winter Sea if a book about a writer from America (who is of scottish descent) who has what is called "genetic memory." This means (obviously) that she has the memory of her ancestors. She goes to this place in Scotland to start her book, where there are the ruins of slains castle. Then as she goes on with her life, she gains the story from the sping of 1708, when the scottish people were trying to bring back exiled James Stewart to reclaim his crown. If you don't know the story of James Stewart then I can give you an overview, but I am not an expert (as hard as I try to be).

THe story is that the queen had James Stewart, but the king wouldn't acknoledge the boy as his son. So the queen escaped with James as a baby to france, where he grew up. I think that is the basic idea anyway...

There was romance in this book, history, culture, and a connection to modern-day people.

I really love the idea of a genetic memory, because my mom says that she thinks everything is genetic. In my family there is a thing called the "gordon gene" whichis responsible for my family's rosy cheeks, cheery dispositions, good moral character, and intelligence/respect for knowledge. It is a real thing, it runs in the family. I'm telling you, if you were in a room with my family you would be able to tell right away who got the "gordon gene." My mom is always telling me I have it too, but I'm not too sure.

Another thing I could appreciate was the search for ancestors. I haven't done too much researching on mine, but I don't exactly have to. Maybe I could find out more about my family if I dug into it, but as for now I've got a few generations back, and I'm content.

There is a part in the novel when sophia says "my heart is forever heldby this place." That quote is so haunting, so real. I felt it myself. With my grandfather dying recently, I've been thinking of my years living with him. I was so happy with them. I felt so alive in their household. At one point I wanted to change my name to Gordon because I felt my mother's family better represented me. Its only been four years since I moved out, and I miss the warmth of that household. The thought that I'll never be able to go in again hurts. I try not to think about it sometimes. I can't help but think that I left my heart there, and maybe that's why I feel like I should leave and feel like I should stay at the same time. That part of the book touched me so much. Granted, it gave me hope that if my heart really in at 8 Donny dr, maybe that can change, or morph...or divide..? I'm not sure how to explain it. Basically, I'm young, there is still so much to look forward to.

I admit that I don't normally like when authors go back in time. I feel like there is sometimes a disconnect with the characters and readers when they do that. I couldnt finish "a dragonfly in amber" becuase the author put the characters directly back into the modern-day time, without me knowing what happened. I felt like I didnt know the characters anymore. I just couldnt get through the summary of past events either. This book was different because the character stayed in her time period, and looked back on past events, and I surprised myself with how much I loved it. There was just something nice about the way the past and present connected. Everything flowed so effortlessly. The story was nice and long, and it kept you guessing forever. Even the ending, though it was simple, put everything together nicely.

I love the cover of this book. It reminds me of the cover on "seven tears into the sea."

QUOTES (because you know I have to):
 

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Likes the quote "Whatever time we have," he said, "it will be time enough."

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“But life, if nothing else, had taught her promises weren't always to be counted on, and what appeared at first a shining chance might end in bitter disappointment.”

 

“..the fields might fall to fallow and the birds might stop their song awhile; the growing things might die and lie in silence under snow, while through it all the cold sea wore its face of storms and death and sunken hopes...and yet unseen beneath the waves a warmer current ran that, in its time, would bring the spring.” 

“Men who watch, and say little, very often are much wiser than the men they serve.” 

“Ye'll never best your fears until ye face them” 

"Hope rarely enters into it. Tis action moves the world....[in] the game of chess, mind that: ye cannot leave your men to stand unmoving on the board and hope to win. A soldier must first step upon the battlefield if does mean to cross it.” 

“So, you see, my heart is held forever by this place," she said. "I cannot leave.” 

“I do promise that you will survive this. Faith, my own heart is so scattered round the country now, I marvel that it has the strength each day to keep me standing. But it does,' she said, and drawing in a steady breath she pulled back just enough to raise a hand to wipe Sophia's tears. 'It does. And so will yours.'
'How can you be so sure?'
'Because it is a heart, and knows no better.” 

My Scottish Grandpa

My grandfather raised me and my sister like daughters in his own home. With the help of my mother and grandma, he created a home for me that was so filled with love that I never felt my parents’ divorce. He proved to me that there are good men in the world, and showed me how those good men act. He taught me how to enjoy life, how to appreciate literature/knowledge, and how to face obstacles. He was something special, a miracle; you don’t meet people like him every day. I am lucky to be his granddaughter. I love you, grandpa, so much.

I get this warm feeling when I remmember those eight years living with my grandparents. 1st grade to 8th grade, they really did raise me. I think about the shortbread cookies that my grandma liked to buy. I think of the westy named Duncan that my grandpa loved so much. Westies are the dog of choice in my family, always named something scottish. I think about the notre dame cd that my grandpa played during christmas that had "christmas in killarney" on it. He lived in Chicago, he used to hang out with the irish/scottish crew. He had those suspenders and the hat. He always said we were irish too, and I believe it to an extent, but it could have been wishful thinking. Obviously there are many memories, but the scottish ones are important to me, and I feel like they should be recorded here specifically.

My grandpa loved Whisky now that I think about it. I never thought of that until now, whisky (yes im spelling it right) is a scottish drink. He specifically liked Jameson Irish whiskey (funny my brother's name is Jameson). He let me try it once and I made this really weird face because I thought it tasted just awful.

He used to be able to do those weird gibberish songs too, the ones that make a rhythm. He had eight kids, he used to tell them to make a certain sound, and when they came together it sounded cool. Stuff like "doggawaggawagga" or "skitterrattletat." My mom told me about it. He also had a scottish sense of humor. He liked to joke around with my sister and I. He told us farfetched stuff and would chuckle when we believed him. He lost a few fingers as a kid, and he used to be able to shake one of his hands really fast. I could never figure out how he did that.

The fridge of our home had the gordon crest on it. He took my mother to the NHSCOT highland games when she was younger....there is just so much. He bought my sister and I Gordon tartan shorts when we were younger, and my mom said he used to dress them up in kilts because he thought it was cute (she hated it).

He was a good man.

RIP Charles Bruce Gordon II.